October 5th

Choose Your “Hard”

“Our program is not easy, but it is simple.” Life with Hope, How It Works, 3rd ed., p.193

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Working the Twelve Steps of Marijuana Anonymous is hard work. The following things are also hard work: experiencing withdrawals from weed; feeling my feelings without the pacifier of pot to cover them up; showing up at meetings, sharing at meetings; talking to other humans, trusting other humans; the idea of a Higher Power, trusting that Higher Power; healing a lifetime of grief, resentments and fears; forgiving myself, admitting my faults; and changing every aspect of my life is hard work.

Living in active marijuana addiction is hard work: smoking weed all day, every day; saying no to people, places, and things that got in the way of smoking weed; not knowing who I am without marijuana; not wanting to know who I am without marijuana; hiding and sneaking around; avoiding humans, avoiding my feelings, avoiding my responsibilities; being angry at God; settling for less than I deserve, surviving paycheck to paycheck, living under a mountain of debt; burying a lifetime of grief, resentments, and fears; hating myself, hating the idea of one more day is hard work.

Which “hard” would I rather have? With the help of the Twelve Steps and my Higher Power, I’ve been given a beautiful life that I never thought was possible. I choose the hard work of living in recovery, rather than going back to the hard, hopeless, empty way I lived for nearly 20 years of active addiction.

Thank you Marijuana Anonymous, and thank you Higher Power.

Final thought: Today, I will choose the hard work of living in recovery and will see the promises fulfilled in my life.